Emotional
by aRAUCANA
Summary: BleachNarutoDeathnoteFFVIIYakitateGintama etc crossover crackfic. Yagami Light ventures towards some uncertain direction in hopes of gaining more Kira fans.
1. Welcome to the club

**Emo Club**

**Warnings:** Spoilers for too many things to name.

**Disclaimer:** Why would someone who owns multiple manga/anime series, gummy bears, and Teddy Grahams be writing a fanfic?

**Series (in this chapter):** Bleach

* * *

_Were you neglected as a child? Abused? Had your dog ran over?_

_Think the world sucks? That you could rule it so much better?_

_Hate everyone and everything?_

_Well then, the Emo Club is just for you!_

_First meeting is on the 78th of September! Bring cookies and other snacks! dIE! I mean- have fun! Meet new emo people!_

_-_

"Hurry up, Izuru-chan, yer gonna be late."

"Huh?" he mumbled unintelligently. Late? Late for what?

"C'mon," his captain shoved a flyer in his hand. E...emo club? What's emo? Why's there a club for it? And why did he have to attend the meeting?

His eyes went lower and read the byline. Ki...Kira Izuru? Hey the guy who started the club had the same name as him! Wait, no. It WAS him, wasn't it?

"Ichimaru-Taichou! W-why's my name on the flyer? What's emo? Why am I in an Emo Club if I don't know what it is? Better yet, why did I start it? Wait- I didn't start it!"

"Ara, calm down, Izuru-chan. I started it for ya, you'll get to meet lotsa people jus' like ya there!" he smiled. Just kidding, he's always smiling.

"B-but Ichimaru-Taichou-!" Too late. Poor Izuru-chan, he'd already been pushed through the warp hole.

* * *

A/N: Try not to be offended, and don't take this too seriously.


	2. First Meetings

**First Meeting**

**Series:** Naruto, Bleach

* * *

He sighed. He turned. Then shrieked.

He was face to face with some strange person with black tears tattooed to his face and a scorpion skeleton eating his head.

"Kira Izuru, I presume? You're late."

Inhale. Exhale. Inhaleexhaleinhaleexhaleinhaleexhaleinhaleexhale- He almost had a heart attack.

"N-nice to meet you. There's a m-mistake. I didn't make this club my captain did and I don't even know what emo is and is that a scorpion eating your head?" he stuttered all in one breath.

The scorpion-skeleton headed person scowled even more, if it was possible, and lowered the zipper to his jacket to reveal the hole in his neck.

"I'm a hollow, you fucking moron. And you're a vice-captain? You can't even sense such a high level hollow as an Arrancarr?"

"Oh. Ohh. OH! HOLLOW! Damn, where's my sword?" he searched his non-existant pockets frantically for his zanpakutou before remembering that his captain had taken it away saying he shouldn't cut himself. He didn't cut himself though!

"Hey! You don't even show up in this arc!" Kira suddenly remembered.

"You suck," he scowled again and walked off to sit in a purple bean bag chair.

Aww...he took the bean-bag chair-! No, er, a _hollow_! Oh, there was an inflatable one too-! No, no, the _**hollow**_! Ugh, screw this. His brain could not function while there were loquat tarts sitting right there on that coffee table.

"My life sucks. Actually, I'm dead. Which makes it suck even more," he stared off into the ceiling as Izuru sat down across from him in the lime green inflatable chair and munched on the loquat tarts.

Kira stopped chewing and struggled to swallow, "Excuse me? You're a hollow. All you do is eat souls, what do you mean your life sucks? I bet mines at least a hundred times worse! My parents died when I was still young and-"

"I don't have parents," Ulquiorra interrupted.

"Exactly!" he exclaimed, "You wouldn't know the pain of losing them!"

"I have a creator though, and-"

"And my high school crush is in love with this idiot!"

"-and he'd never return my feelings-"

"And my captain DITCHES ME AFTER THIS ARC!"

"Hey are you listening?"

"He BETRAYS ME!"

"Hey-"

"MY LIFE SUCKS!"

"Yeah, well, people ignore me. They all hate me. All you death gods."

"AND NOW SHE'S IN A COMA! Well, she will be, after this arc I'm in, AND IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!"

"Well, I have a scorpion _eating my head_."

"MY HAIR MAKES ME HALF BLIND!"

"So get a freaking haircut?"

"MY LIFE SUCKS!" he sobbed.

"And mine doesn't?" he scoffed.

"Hey, is this the emo club?"

Immediately, the two members stopped ranting and turned to face the newcomer.

"Oh, a kid. What do you do? Cut yourself and gripe over how low your allowance is?"

"You have a spoon on your shirt," Kira sniffled.

"It's not a fucking spoon," the newbie growled, kicking over an orange stool. "It's our Uchiha clan's emblem. But I'm the last one of 'em."

'How rude,' thought Ulquiorra.

'I still think it's a spoon,' thought Kira.

"How come you two get the cool chairs? Oh, cool! Loquat tarts!" he plopped himself down on the couch.

"Because we arrived here before you. Duh."

"Yeah, but I suffer more! And at such a young age!" he flung his arms (and tarts)up in frustration.

"I don't have parents eitherr," Izuru whined.

"Me neither. Oh, and my eyes fall out! How's that?" he glared.

"Yeah but the only one besides me still alive is my brother! And he was the one that killed our clan! Even my pet bunny, Hanatarou!"

"Hanatarou? Sounds familiar..."

"HANATAROUUU!"

"Yeah well, I've always wanted a pet and I couldn't get one 'cuz I live in Hueco Mundo..."

"HE KILLED HANATAROU! HE WAS SO INNOCENT! AND HIS CUTE UCHIHA FAN TATTOO!" he started hyperventilating, "I SHALL AVENGE YOU!"

"Hey, hey, calm down, you're gonna break the coffee table and we're not gonna have anywhere to put the damn plate of loquat tarts."

"What tarts?"

Kira choked and hastily tried to wipe the crumbs off his face.

"What a pig..."

"Hey!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot, I brought some Teddy Grahams and gummy bears!"

"Yay gummy bears!" Izuru squealed.

"Oh! I love biting off their heads and switching them!" Ulquiorra snatched the bag out of Sasuke's hands.

"Hey! You could've asked...everyone hates me," he sulked.

"Mwehehehehehehe," he cackled, biting off an arm and an opposite leg.

"Gimmie some too!"

"HahahhahahahahHAHAHHAHAHA," he replaced them with limbs of another color.

"Stop hogging the candyyyyyyyyy!"

"It's ED!" he held up his masterpiece with pride.

"Thanks," Kira scowled and grabbed the bag, "Hehehe twirlll!"

"I love playing God," he smirked ever so subtly and then ate the mutilated gummy.

"Oh has anyone seen any good movies lately?"

"Ew, movies. Who'd want to watch those happy sappy things? Oh hey, that rhymed. I'm such an awesome poet," a lightbulb lit up above Sasuke's head, which he immediately turned off because brightly lit rooms were so un-goth.

"I watched this one war movie! World War I: The Ballet!"

"...right. Gimmie some cookies."

"So, um. Any good songs then?"

"Oh! Turn on the stereo!"

"Oh!" gasped Ulquiorra, "I have a Hikki album! I love Sakura Drops! Simple and Clean is too overrated..."

"Hikki?" Kira tilted his head.

"Hikaru Utada. She's not emo, fucktard. Listen to AYU!"

"Ayu?" he questioned, completely lost.

"Ayumi Hamasaki? How is she emo, then?"

"Ohh! Ohh! I have a Morning Musume CD!"

Blank stares.

"What?"

"Fuck off."

"Go screw yourself."

Kira buried his face in a fluffy pillow and cried.

Then the doorbell rang.

Doorbell?

They didn't have a doorbell. It was a freaking glass sliding door with no latch, for J-pop's sake.

* * *

A/N: I apoligize for any broken brains.


	3. OMAKE: No Smoking in the Classroom

**No Smoking in the Classroom**

**Series:** Bleach, Naruto, Deathnote, FVII, Pokemon, Gintama

**A/N:** Omake: Parody of Gintama's Kinpachi-sensei parody.

-

"Stand!" he voiced monotonously, "Ok, open up your Gintama Volume 1 books! Today in class we're going to clarify the meaning of 'Gintama'."

Who was this weirdo with half a scorpion skeleton eating his head? Their homeroom teacher? How'd he get his degree? Furthermore, why are they in a class? Wasn't this the Emo Club? Where'd the club go?

"So...is there anyone here that knows the meaning of 'gintama'?" he asked, writing the word on the blackboard, screeching chalk and all.

"U-um, sensei?"

"Yeah?"

"That says...um..."

"I can't hear you."

"It says Kintama, dumbass, you can't even spell! Why are you a teacher?"

"Shut up spoon-kid, anyone else know the answer to the question?"

"Teacher!"

"What now?"

"I can't see the board!" Raito stood up, pulling on thick glasses, "Kira's long-ass emo hair is in the way!"

He was just secretly jealous because the blonde could walk around and rightfully be called 'Kira' without any legal complications. Why'd his parents name him Light? What kind of name was Light? And why'd his mom have to marry his dad? Why? _Why? _If she hadn't, his last name wouldn't read _'I'm a gay'_ to dyslexics! Then again, he wouldn't have access to all the police files... But then-

"Kira, I told you to cut your hair or pull it out."

"B-but-"

"Then leave."

"Y-you can't do that! I'll sue!" he cried pitifully.

"Goddammit. Ok, back to class."

"Teacher!" Raito stood again, knocking over his chair.

"What now?"

"Transfer student Uchiha is playing with his Pikachu finger puppet in class!" he scowled, "And he keeps giggling like a maniac! It's disrupting my ability to learn."

"Teacher!" Sasuke gasped, "I haven't been disrupting the other students! In the ninja academy we were always allowed to play with Pokemon merchandise in class!"

"Is that so? Then go back there!" he replied exasperatedly, "Ok! Back to the lesson."

"Teacher!"

Kids these days...so rude.

"I thought you weren't allowed to smoke in class," Cloud inquired.

"This isn't a cigarette, it's a lollipop."

"Smoke doesn't come out of lollipops," he pointed out.

"This one is a super duper lollipop."

Riiiiiiiiiing.

"Uh...the stuff I said now will be on the test. Be sure you take notes. That's all!" he shouted at them before running out the door. Shounen Jump came out today!

"I'm going to switch schools..." Kira sniffled.

-

**A/N**: oO There should be more Gintama.


	4. Damn Those Directions

**Journey to the East- West? Journey to the West. No, no South. Definitely South. Wait the map's upsidedown. North it is!**

**Series:** Deathnote, hints of Yakitate Japan

-

I'm a gay, right- err- Yagami Light finished checking his missed calls and decided to attend that help group his penpal Yukino had told him about.

Not that Yagami Light needed help.

No, no way.

It was just that help groups were always full of, well, disoriented people. And who knows, he may pick up a few helpful Kira fans there.

Likewise, he had met his penpal Yukino through an online forum in a rant thread about the unfairness of the world and all. He had been instantly touched at the horribly tragic story of her life. Her family had been forced to take care of the ungrateful illegiment brat he left behind. Furthermore, she was entitled to a third of their bakery enterprise! She was even a candidate to inherit their Pantasia- even after her calculating mother (who died, thankfully) had stolen her dear father away! Then some brat from the southern chain her younger step-sister owned tricked the manager into some stupid game show and she ended up losing her position and all of her St. Pierre stocks! Life had been so cruel to her.

He introduced some Kira fansites (many self made) to the forum and they were instantly Kira-fans. Thus he decided that this, this help group (which he did not go to in search of help) would have many, many members that hated the hatefulness of the world. And they would be Kira-fans.

"Bye Mom! I'll be back for dinner!"

"Oooh, nii-chan, where're you going? On a date?" his sister turned away from the Ryouga MV showing on TV.

"I'm going to buy pencil lead," he scoffed, tying his shoelaces. Darn things! Why were they so hard to tie?

After sitting behind the door for a good five minutes, struggling with the damn laces, he decided that the disheveled looking bundle of a knot would suffice and he was good to go.

Opening the door and pulling the map out of his pocket he tripped. Dammit, he tied the wrong strings together. He was never gonna try to tie both shoes at once to lessen tying time again.

Twenty minutes later he reappeared out of his front door with not one huge connected bundle of a knot but two, yes two, huge disheveled bundle of knots. One on each shoe.

Yagami Light felt so very, very semi-accomplished.

Now, to the help group.

-not that Yagami Light needed help.

Well maybe. With shoelace tying. But that was it.

"TAXI!"

-

A/N: School hates me.


End file.
